Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Healthcare Reform

I don't "get" how critics of healthcare reform come up with all the supposed huge new costs related to any healthcare reform legislation--regardless of the specific plan or implementation.

Our current system is so broken that the millions of insured Americans already pay for the healthcare costs and medical bills of the millions of uninsured Americans indirectly. When you are uninsured, you can't afford so you simply don't visit your doctor for routine, preventative care. The delays in providing proper medical care upfront costs everyone much more in the end than if that same person were insured and had sought timely care from the get-go. Uninsured Americans regularly use hospital emergency rooms for routine medical care because they are the only option available to them. This overloads hospital ERs for people with more urgent care needs and runs up huge and unrecoverable costs for the hospitals. Naturally, these costs are passed on to paying, insured customers in the form of higher premiums and other systemic costs.

So in the end, doesn't any healthcare reform that insures more Americans--whether it includes a public option or not--save money in the long run? Where's the extra cost and what's the problem?

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Debbie, please don't waste my money to fire Ralph!

With all the uncertainty surrounding Terps football coach Ralph Friedgen heading into today's Boston College finale, I want our Athletic Director Debbie Yow to know that I am one booster strongly in favor of not firing the coach. It has been estimated that the total cost to replace Coach Friedgen now would run close to $10 million and it simply isn't worth it.

The main problem right now is not Ralph Friedgen. The main problem for the University of Maryland is its weak fan base and an overall lack of financial support from alumni and boosters. To be an elite college football (or basketball) program, a school must have enough loyal fans and boosters willing to contribute generously to help the school keep up in the ever-escalating resource "arms race". The funds are needed to build or improve facilities and to buy the best equipment in order to attract and keep recruits. The sad truth is that the University of Maryland never has and never will be competitive in this.

I'm realistic--Maryland is and will always be a second-tier FBS football program. It is simply not realistic or cost-effective for us to try to be an elite FBS program like Florida, Texas, or Virginia Tech as just a few examples. I am grateful for the BCS and five other bowl appearances that Ralph has led us to over the past nine years. Can we do better? Certainly. Could we do worse? Certainly. Overall, I believe that Coach Friedgen's results have been about what we should expect. Personally, I would've preferred to spread the winning around a little more versus 31 wins in his first three seasons, but I'm okay in the end.

The bottom line is that, regardless of who coaches at Maryland, our program cannot, and will not ever, win consistently against the best programs in college football. Coach Friedgen deserves much of the blame for this season's woeful results, but inexperience, injuries and just bad luck were equally responsible for the horrible season. Ralph is otherwise a very good coach who has a good track record of winning and developing young men. Paying $4 million to buy him out after this season just to give Franklin or anyone else an earlier shot is really a huge waste of money. I'm one Terp fan willing to give Coach Friedgen another season because the only question that should be asked is: "Will an expensive coaching change really make a difference?"

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Anyone miss Dave Neal yet?

The Terrapin men's basketball team failed its first early season test this week. In losing to two middle-of-their-conference teams, Cincinnati and Wisconsin, the Terps were beaten decisively. While they played adequate defensive, their inability to score created numerous transition opportunities for Cincinnati. Against Wisconsin, they were forced to play Badger ball and again shot the ball poorly. And in both games, they couldn't do the most basic of basketball tasks--make free throws. While it's way too early to worry to sound any alarms and there is still plenty of time to improve, a few questions stood out in my mind.

While the two freshmen bigs, Williams and Padget, clearly improve our interior post play, who will make-up for oft-maligned and now-departed Dave Neal's scoring? While we lacked front-court depth last season, Neal gave opponents a unique match-up problem in his ability to consistently shoot the mid and long-range jumper. Heading into the season, most of us thought surely that, with more practice and another year of development, the rest of the team would easily make up for Neal's scoring with improved team play and pure shooting.

From this week's Maui results, it's clear that the Terps' offense struggled to score against their first significant opposition this season. Sean Mosley's shot has clearly improved, and he is in my opinion, the most improved player. And he hasn't lost any of that hussle! Eric Hayes remains a steady and reliable shooter but opponents know to keep a body on him so he needs to be more aggressive on the dribble or be a better catch and shoot player. Landon Milbourne still has his good mid range jumper and can be aggressive on both ends of the floor, but I don't see that he is better this season.

Other players however have been a clear disappointment so far. Vasquez's productivity has declined markedly as defenses have figured out his game. His shooting is so far off the mark I wonder if he's actually been working on his shots. How can he play in the NBA if he consistently shoots below 30%? You can give any Division I player 20+ shots a game and they will be 20 point per game player. And Adrian Bowie and Cliff Tucker have thus far not shown that they can play consistently or put the ball in the basket.

Of course, Dino Gregory's return sometime next month hopefully should shake things up by taking some of the pressure off of our two frosh players. It will also free up Landon to play more "3". Maybe Dino's return will help get the Terps' mojo back in time for ACC competition in January.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Norfolk Versus Baltimore Cruise Sailings

For next year, Norfolk Virginia will be losing cruise sailings while Baltimore will be adding ships and sailings. The business rationale for this action was very obvious to me however, after a recent post and long thread on CruiseCritic, it became apparent that many people in the tidewater area simply don't understand or can't accept this trend.

In advocating for Norfolk over Baltimore, the following facts were thrown out to support the case for Norfolk:

  1. Geographically closer to ocean so ships don't have to waste time and fuel traversing the length of the Chesapeake Bay
  2. New or renovated cruise terminal and facility
  3. Better and lower-cost dock workers
  4. Proximity to great beaches and other tourist attractions

Even if one were to acknowledge these as minor tactical advantages, the argument that Norfolk is a better cruise port and market than Baltimore completely misses or ignores Baltimore’s massive demographic, economic and tourism strategic advantages.

First, this is a business decision that is based on demographics, the laws of supply and demand, overall economic conditions, and business profitability. A cruise line bases a cruise ship in most non-Florida cruise ports for one reason--to expand their market beyond its flying customers to attract customers primarily from that local metropolitan area. In other words, they put their ships within a short drive to their customers. Unlike the major cruise ports, these regional or local ports draw the majority of their customers locally, probably within a couple hours drive. The cruise lines have already put many cruise ships close to major U.S. cities such as like Seattle, San Diego, Galveston/Houston, Boston, New York and Washington D.C./Baltimore. Is Norfolk (like Charleston) in this class?

The demographics case for Washington D.C./Baltimore over Norfolk is both compelling and overwhelming. Based on median household income, the Washington DC/Baltimore metropolitan area is the nation's second most affluent with 7,608,070 people with a median household income of $57,291. Per capita income is fourth at $28,856. The Norfolk/Virginia Beach metropolitan area on the other hand is ranked 84th with 1,569,541 people and a median household income of $42,448. Per capita income is ranked 107th with $20,328. So not only does the Washington DC/Baltimore area have almost 5 times the number of people that Norfolk has, but those same people have almost 42% more money to spend. And these statistics are based on a 2000 Census that doesn't even reflect the reality of a likely wider gap today.

Add to this that Philadelphia and many large suburban Pennsylvania, Delaware and Maryland communities that are all within less than a 90 minute drive of Baltimore's cruise terminal. Except for Richmond, Norfolk doesn't have any other major city within a 2 hour drive to draw customers from. That’s a few million more customers to add to the advantage there.

Now let’s look at their respective tourist attractions and tourism businesses. The Washington D.C./ Baltimore area offers a rich assortment of historical, cultural, entertainment, dining and other tourist options. With over 20 million visitors annually, Washington DC is one of the most visited cities in America. Baltimore is in the top 30 with over 12 million visitors each year--comparable to Fort Lauderdale or Nashville and more than the entire tidewater region. The Norfolk area offers tourist attractions with mostly limited, regional appeal such as Busch Gardens, Williamsburg and Virginia Beach.

So in the end, if you want to put a cruise ship near customers who have the discretionary funds to partake in it on a regular basis, where would you put it? RCI Grandeur (and Enchantment next year), Carnival Price and Celebrity Mercury all sail out of Baltimore because they are conveniently accessible to one of the top five most affluent customer bases in America. If anything, more and more ships will call Baltimore home--not fewer. In fact, I'd bet RCI would consider putting a Voyager-class ship in Baltimore if only it could clear the low-spanning Bay Bridge.

The bottom line is that the Washington DC/Baltimore area is far ahead of the Norfolk region from a basic demographics, overall buying power or tourism perspective. Norfolk cheerleaders have been trying to compare their mid-sized city with an average economy and some regional tourist attractions, to a Top-5 major U.S. metropolitan area with some of the nation’s most affluent customers and attractions with substantial international and national drawing power.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Checklist Tourism

What is your travelling style? I like to research the history and culture of a destination. I like to experience the culture and immerse myself in where I am going. I even try to learn some of the local language in order to fit in better.

There are many people however who seem to go places mostly to say they've been there. I call it "checklist tourism". The objective is solely to check it off a long list of places they say they've always wanted to see. The important verb is "see"--not really visit, not experience, not learn something about, not immerse yourself in, and not understand anything--but rather to "see". Are so many people really that shallow and clueless? They get on a one or two hour city bus tour and actually believe they've seen everything there is to see!

A coworker friend and her family once drove the nearly 16 hours round-trip from San Francisco to Crater Lake, OR and back, and only spent approximately 45 minutes actually at the rim! When pressed as to how a "quick peek" was worth all that driving, she furled her eyebrows at me and said something like "we went and saw it, so what else was there for us to do?". The same family does this type of "drive by" sightseeing all the time. They've certainly "seen" much more of the world than me, but I think they miss so so much.

My dad is the same way. It took almost 48 hours of round-trip travel time to get to and from Hong Kong, but he elected to spend much of the trip in the condo watching the same Chinese TV shows he already watches back home in the US! One city tour was apparently enough touring for the week for him.

This past summer, we spent a couple weeks in Europe with my parents, and whenever I asked them what they'd like to do in a particular port, they'd say, "well, we'll just get off the ship and walk 100 meters to so and so and that's good enough so we can say we've been there". If I dragged them along on one of my extended tours (e.g. in Firenze or Pompeii/Sorrento/Amalfi), they fizzled very fast and looked bored for much of the tour. I was very disappointed, for example, when our day out of Napoli allowed us only about 20-30 minutes in Positano, but it was perfect for my parents!

Next month, my parents are sailing on RCI Independence of the Seas on her trans-Atlantic reposition cruise out of London. I asked my dad how much time he was spending in London pre-cruise, and he responded "We've been there (for a day or two) before and saw everything, so we don't want to waste time there." Another wasted opportunity to experience a wonderful and unique place on our planet...

Monday, October 26, 2009

My Perspective on the 2009 H1N1 Influenza A Virus

Over the past several months, the federal government has thrown resources into tracking, studying and developing a vaccine for the 2009 H1N1 influenza A virus (H1N1/09). The media has reported a drumbeat of stories about the virus, its spread and deaths worldwide. Here in the U.S., the federal government had announced that a vaccine for this virus would be available en masse early in the flu season. Unfortunately, the development and deployment of the vaccine was delayed--a classic situation of overpromising and underdelivering. In the meantime, the steady stream of scary news about the impending H1N1/09 flu pandemic has filled most Americans with worry. Vaccine supplies remain scarce, implementation plans have been uneven, and now people are more scared than informed.

While it is understandable that people are concerned about the H1N1/09 flu virus, I think many Americans are overreacting based on media reports of illnesses and deaths, and not acting rationally on information. The seasonal flu (yeah, that's the flu we are all exposed to every year), infects between 15 million and 60 million, hospitalizes over 200,000 and kills almost 40,000 Americans every year. The H1N1/09 is forecast to infect up to 150 million, hospitalize up to 2 million and cause between 30,000 to 90,000 deaths in the U.S. Based on these numbers, it's reasonable to conclude that the H1N1 is more contagious but has a lower mortality rate than seasonal flu. It is almost a certainty that more people are going to suffer the flu this season, but even with the higher infection rate, it is also possible that same or even fewer people will die from the flu this season.

Yet, in talking with many friends and coworkers, the perception is that the H1N1/09 is like getting small pox or anthrax. Many people are deathly afraid of this pandemic. When told that my kids had it, they try to avoid me at all costs--in case I am a carrier! Most of these same folks however don't get the seasonal flu vaccine and seem to think that the "regular' flu is just like a bad cold.

From everything I've read, the two main differences with H1N1/09 are: (1) it's far more contagious and (2) it negatively affects primarily the young, pregnant women and people with chronic medical conditions. The seasonal flu more negatively affects seniors and people with chronic medical conditions. The H1N1/09 conversely saves its most serious side effects for the young, who have strong, but virgin (to the flu) immune systems.

Parents with children, pregnant women and other high risk people understandably have real concerns. With the flu season well underway already in the U.S., is the long delayed and still scant supply of the H1N1/09 vaccine too late to do much good? Children under 9 years of age, for example, need two doses of vaccine at least four weeks apart, so they wouldn't have immunity for about a month from the start of their vaccination. With many schools in this country already reporting 10%, 15% or higher absentee rates due to the growing H1N1/09 pandemic, is it already too little, too late to vaccinate many of our most at-risk population? In addition, what about safety concerns and other unknowns about a new and "rushed to market" vaccine?

My own kids had the H1N1/09 flu last week. To be quite frank, it wasn't a big deal at all in our case. Our daughter was lethargic with a fever for several days, and had a mild cough. Except for a short fever, small cough and a sore throat, most people wouldn't even know my son was sick by the way he still ran around the house.

Part of me is glad that our kids are already done with the H1N1/09. One of the biggest concerns with any influenza virus is that it can mutate and become potentially more virulent. This is the reason why scientists are constantly battling and reformulating flu vaccines. H1N1/09 could actually become more virulent and lethal as the season progresses.

The treatment for H1N1/09 is the same as for any other flu: rest, fluids and either acetaminophen or ibuprofen to reduce fever. Anti-virals may be leveraged for certain high-risk individuals. As with any flu, you need to be diligent about secondary infections and should seek emergency medical care if you experience respiratory and other complications.

So the H1N1/09 flu is really just another flu for which there is no need for undue concern or panic. For this season, I conclude:
(1) You are far likely to get the flu--most probably the H1N1/09
(2) For most, the symptoms will be milder than the seasonal flu
(3) More children and young people will die due to H1N1/09
(4) Parents with kids and young people must be extra diligent about secondary infections and respiratory complications
(5) It's probably better to get the flu earlier than later
(6) Get your season flu vaccine!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

What you should know for your first cruise!

  1. Tipping is complicated on cruise ships. Read the cruiseline's specific recommendations for your stateroom attendant, waiter and assistant waiter. Definitely take care of them if you feel they did a good job. Give them extra for going above and beyond. Tipping the head waiter and others is entirely at your discretion. And if you use the children's programs, I recommend a tip for the counselors even though it is optional.
  2. Your room is usually ready and the luggage is delivered typically sometime between noon and 3 pm. But just in case you don't have access or your luggage is delayed, be sure to carry on anything you need for that afternoon such as medications, a swimsuit, etc.
  3. Ship time may differ from local time so make sure you know the difference if you have excursions planned in port and so you don't miss the ship.
  4. If you plan to use many AC-powered devices in your stateroom, bring a multiple outlet plug or power strip because there aren't many places to plug things in!
  5. If you are large person and find it difficult to show in the microscopic showers in your stateroom, consider using the more spacious facilities in the spa or gym.
  6. Staterooms don't have alarm clocks so bring one if you need it!
  7. Your luggage will usually stow nicely under one or both beds
  8. On some ships, the stateroom coffee table adjusts up and down!
  9. Excursions, and specialty restaurant and spa reservations can usually be reserved on-line prior to boarding.
  10. Private companies and tour operators in general offer tours and excursions that are better in quality, more flexible, just as reliable, and far cheaper than the ship tours!
  11. On some lines like RCI, motion sickness medicines like meclizine (aka bonine) are complimentary at Guest Relations.
  12. You pay for alcoholic beverages and sodas, but the coffee, tea, lemonade and milk are free. Carnival and RCI charge for espresso and cappuccinos but they are complimentary at dinner on HAL.
  13. Order as much as you want in the main dining room--you're not limited to one appetizer or one entree!
  14. In the main dining room, you can order or ask for things that aren't even on the menu!
  15. You pay to eat at the specialty restaurants and there is no unlimited ordering there.
  16. Room service is free but remember to tip!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Suggestions for Improving Royal Caribbean and Carnival's Web Sites!

Some greatly needed features or functions for RCI, Carnival and other cruise line web sites:

Web site registration and profile
- Allow customers to register and store their profiles with information on family, home address (including state of residence), passport information including ages, specific interests, special needs (physical disabilities, wheelchair needs, dietary restrictions, etc.), and payment options (including registering a credit card or Paypal).
- Upon signing in, use profile information to customize all searches.
- Integrate all past cruises, C&A status and benefits with this main profile.
- Upon booking a cruise, transfer all personal booking information including passport info.

Improvements to search:
- Search by one or more departure ports
- Search by one or more ships or by class of ship(s)
- Search by user-specified cost range and not preset cost ranges
- Search for itineraries to include one or more specific ports and not just "destination" regions
- Search by specific number of dates (e.g. 4-10 days) and not preset date ranges
- Search by date inclusion ranges. For example, I am off from January 5 through January 13 so return cruises that fit entirely within this range
- Search only for available adjoining, connecting, handicapped or other special attribute staterooms
- Exclude obstructed view or handicapped staterooms
- Allow comparison of various cruises (ship, itinerary, costs) that meet one or more search criteria

Search Results
- When returning search results, don't lump all sailings of the same ship and itinerary together. List them separately.
- Handle holds and bookings using pre-populated profile data
- Allow customers to make deposits and one or more incremental payments toward booking
- Allow final payment to automatically be made on final payment due date

Bookings
- Specify stateroom preferences, including bedding arrangement, pillow/bedding preferences, child life preservers, remove balcony partitions, and options such as robes and other amenities
- Ability to make stateroom changes including downgrades and upgrades
- Ability to transfer booking directly to travel agent online

Other
- Show more stateroom details such as virtual 360 views, multiple angle photos

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Mask your ATM, security system, garage and computer codes and passwords!

There was a discussion this morning about how crooks are modifying ATM's with fake card readers and miniature wireless cameras that allot them to steal people's ATM card numbers and the associated PIN. Here is the link to the Snopes article:

A suggestion was made to always use an ATM inside the bank. However this isn't always possible or feasible.

Remember that, like a computer login account without a password, your ATM card information is worthless without a PIN. Thus protecting your "last line of defense" is most important so I always try to "mask", or otherwise obscure, the process of entering PINs, security codes and passwords by placing the free hand over the typing hand whenever possible.

As a rule, always try to mask the entry of sensitive information when using a keyboard or keypad. Always enter this type of sensitive information with the assumption that there is a camera pointed at the keypad, someone is watching over your shoulder, or perhaps spying from afar with binoculars!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Browsing and Emailing Off-line

Newbie cruisers often ask about what type of internet access they will have onboard a cruise ship, how well it works, how to use it, and how much it will cost.

First, one must understand that, because they are moving most of the time and because they travel around the world, cruise ships have to use satellite-based communications systems. Satellite-based communications is a very technically challenging problem to solve and and the solution is therefore very costly. And the connection is either very, very slow, or so slow as to be useless.

Most modern cruise ships have satellite connections with upwards of several hundred Kilobits per second bandwidth. By comparison, a typical home residence with cable modem or Verizon FIOS now has an internet connection capable of 15-50 Megabit per second range. Again, that's Megabits not Kilobits. So your typical home internet connection (shared with a handful of family users) has about 100 times the bandwidth of a large ship that must share its connection amongst dozens or even hundreds of users simultaneously! And, this slow satellite-based internet connection costs the cruise line at least tens of thousands of dollars per month, and naturally, they need to pass on these costs to you!

Given such internet bandwidth constraints and its associated high costs aboard a cruise ship, the best way to optimize your internet usage and to minimize the cost is to work offline. Most browsers and email clients now support offline use. Working offline means to be able to do things such as read emails or web pages while not being connected to the internet.

The reason most people never learned how to work off-line is because most of us have unlimited Internet connectivity at work and/or home, so working off-line is not necessary. We are all accustomed to casually browsing the web, hitting CNN.COM for example, and spending 10-15 minutes reading each article. However, on a cruise ship, when internet bandwidth is scarce and its use is costly (at up to 75 cents/minute!), working offline is critical to minimizing your internet-related expenses.

Microsoft's web browser, Internet Explorer for example, has an offline mode. You simply connect to the internet, and visit the sites and pages you are interested in (but don't read them while connected). Then after hitting all your sites, disconnect. Since your browser was in offline mode, it basically stored the text and images of each page locally on your hard disk so you can now read them at your convenience--rather than rushing because you are connected and spending 50 cents a minute!

You do the same type of thing with email using any number of commercially available offline mail readers, e.g. Outlook Express. Even the most popular web-based email services such as Google's Gmail or Yahoo Mail now offer offline clients. Simply connect, fetch and send your email, and then disconnect. You can read or compose messages at your leisure. Later, you can reconnect and get/send emails again.

If the benefits are still not clear, here are two identical scenarios, but one offline and one online, for getting the same five hypothetical emails, reading them and then composing five replies:

Work online via web-based email


1. Connect to Internet
2. Start browser (30 seconds)
3. Hit your email web server (30 seconds)
4. Open email and read it (1 minute)
5. Compose a reply and send it (2 minutes)
6. Repeat 4 and 5 four more times (12 minutes)
7. Logoff

Total time and cost: 16 minutes and $8.00

Working offline using your own computer

1. Open email client
2. Connect to Internet
3. Send/receive emails (30 seconds)
4. Disconnect
5. Casually read all new emails and compose replies while relaxing by the pool, in your cabin or at the lounge!
6. Reconnect to Internet
7. Send/Receive all messages (30 seconds)

Total time and cost: 1 minute and $0.50

And a couple other thoughts:

1. On a cruise ship, avoid using the internet during peak usage times. The bandwidth bottleneck during peak times can make the internet connection virtually unusable to try to connect during dinner, in the early morning or late evening hours, or when the ship is in port.

2. Remember to turn off Windows and other automatic software updates. You don't want these services to initiate download activities in such a non-broadband situations.

As you can see, if you learn work in off-line mode, you can cut your internet usage and cost by by a huge amount without much inconvenience at all!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Credit Card Acceptance in Europe

In response to a recent question about credit card acceptance in Europe, I went back through my Quicken transactions and came up with the following statistics for the number of restaurants, stores, museums, churches, attractions or service providers that accepted (or were willing to accept) credit cards over our recent 25 days in the Mediterranean:

3 of 17 museums, churches or attraction (Vatican Museums, Basilica di Santa Croce in Firenze and the Time Elevator in Roma!)
6 of 15 vendors or shops (low because this includes street vendors)
2 of 4 tour companies (5 tours total)
0 of 22 taxi drivers or transfer companies
0 of 4 train, tram or cable car tickets
12 of 21 restaurants (lunch and dinner only, and does not include gelati places)

In purely dollar terms, if you exclude the cruise and hotel portions of the trip (the two most expensive items), credit cards were only accepted for less than a third of all our expenses.

As you can see, credit card acceptance definitely lags in Europe and around the Mediterranean so you'd better have lots of cash!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Bad Baseball

Columbia, Maryland is apparently now the epicenter of bad Major League Baseball. The Washington Nationals and the Baltimore Orioles are currently the worst and third worst teams in baseball. And if you go another 250 miles out, you will find the fourth worst basedball team in the majors in the Pittsburgh Pirates. Well, at least tickets are easy to come by...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Future of Social Networking

The current crop of social networking, microblogging, mobile communications and collaborative technologies is quickly creating a new paradigm for human interaction, socializing and communications. Sites like Facebook, for example, provide a new and powerful way to communicate and stay in touch with friends and family.

But I wonder what fundamental changes will occur in human interactions after another generation or two. Will people know how to interact in person anymore? Will all this lead to more physical isolation or even total disconnect of people, and thus reduce or eliminate the need for these very technologies? Can it all lead to a world of mostly electronic interactions between human beings?

Wouldn't it be ironic if the popularity of these new technologies led to substantial reductions in human interactions, and that itself eventually kills the very technologies that initiated the trend in the first place?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Single Supplement on Cruises

Recently a single cruiser commented on the apparent unfairness of the cruise business's single supplement. Passengers wishing to cruise solo typically have to pay 150% to 200% of the per person cruise fare. The protester did not feel that it was fair that, as a single traveler, she should have to pay so much more when she was not consuming the food or using the services of two passengers. During the discussion, she and others brought up hotels and airlines as examples of other travel industry sectors that price per room and seat respectively, and wondered why cruises couldn't be priced similarly to be more fair. However cruises, hotels and airplanes are not comparable and thus are not and cannot be, priced similarly.

A hotel room is priced as basically a facility charge, i.e. you are paying mostly for a room. That room is a fixed cost to the hotel that does not change much whether you put one person or four people in it. The incremental cost of accommodating the second, third and fourth person into a hotel room is negligible.

Airplane flights are priced per seat and that cost is fixed. So if you are big and need two seats, you pay for it. Otherwise you pay for a single seat. It does not matter to the airline whether you are single, traveling with a spouse or significant other, or with 20 other family and friends. They each pay the same fare because there are no additional services being provided in the base fare.

A cruise operates with an entirely different operational paradigm. Because a good portion of a cruise's profits are based on excursions, on-board activities and purchases, a cruise line is heavily dependent on the number of passengers on-board. Thus, cruises must be priced per person. A single traveler costs a cruise line all the potential revenues and profits of the other passenger that does not exist. There is a significant "opportunity cost" is lost because the single traveler takes up a cabin that is designed and priced to be double occupancy.

In addition, and just as important, a cruise's costs are relatively fixed. They plan for a specific number of passengers or customers, i.e. a ship full of staterooms with double occupancy. In other words, they have enough staff, and order enough food, drink and supplies, for a full ship. Thus with each single traveler, one traveler's worth of overhead, services and consumables are "wasted".

In conclusion, one cannot apply the "logic" of hotel or air flight pricing to cruise pricing. Thus, the single supplement for single travelers makes complete sense from a business and practical perspective. The cruise line business model clearly favors passengers traveling in groups of two or more, and does not work well for single passengers. So single travelers, if you can't afford the single supplement, you'd better find someone to share that stateroom with!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Fifteen Oddest Moments During Our Mediterranean Vacation

1. In organizing two CruiseCritic social gatherings onboard, I was inexplicably considered a travel agent and HAL had to confiscate my passport for a couple days.
2. On the cruise, coffee, espresso, cappuccino and fresh squeezed orange juice are free, but you have to pay for sodas.
3. Can’t take pictures in the Sistine Chapel because Sony owns the photo rights.
4. Having to pay for using the toilet in some places in Italy and other countries.
5. Pooping, flushing and washing your hands in Italy was a challenge at first, because most men’s toilets in Italy don’t have seats, the flusher is wall mounted, and most sinks are operated by a hidden foot pedal.
6. Noticing that there are more gelati stores in Italy than any other type of food or retail outlet.
7. La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona reminded me of the Bug’s Life Tree in Animal Kingdom in Disney World.
8. The nicest bathroom in the Mediterranean was on the old City Walls of Dubrovnik!
9. Paying to take pictures inside the Bardo Museum and Sidi Bou Said in Tunisia.
10. Taking pictures inside the Ancient Olympia Museum is permitted, but you are prohibited from “posing”.
11. Greek women all seem to wear their pants one size too small.
12. Stuffing 75+ people into a public bus on the ride from Oia to Fira in Santorini
13. Watching the poor Greek Royal guards dressed in heavy formal uniforms and standing in the heat motionless for an hour at a time.14. A Roma taxi driver claiming she didn’t know where the Pantheon was.
15. Watching 150-200 people stand in line waiting to buy tickets to enter the Colisseum knowing that, not 400 meters away, there is another ticket window with no line.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Lessons Learned From Our Mediterranean Vacation

1. Don’t overplan with too much walking for seniors and kids. Use more taxis, or car and bus tours to get around.

2. Make sure to carry lots of snacks for mid-morning and mid-afternoon blood sugar boosts.

3. Using a reputable tour company that has good communications takes a lot of stress out of the pre-trip planning. Jany from Romeinlimo, for example, was always helpful, courteous and responsive despite my frequent, and probably sometimes annoying, emails. She was that rare coordinator who understands that she needs to answer questions and do it promptly in order that her customers can have confidence that a specific tour will take place when, where, how and for how much, the customer expects.

4. As tours and transfers consume a huge part of a vacation budget, sharing them with others makes a lot of practical and financial sense. And it's more fun!

5. Due to the cruise length and breadth of ports (the two B2B itineraries were clearly designed to compliment each other), the distances between ports are smaller than on other cruise itineraries. Thus we could spend more time in most ports and this greatly increased touring flexibility and reduced stress.

6. Despite HAL’s reputation for skewing older demographically, the guests on our sailing were the youngest we’ve ever sailed with. The Mediterranean itinerary is definitely more demanding physically and perhaps this skewed the guest list to younger and more physically fit guests.

7. HAL’s approach to turnaround days on B2Bs was a very pleasant surprise: no annoying morning announcements; special lunch, spa and tour options; and no muster drill.

8. Loved HAL’s silent disembarkation process (as compared to our RCI and Carnival experiences). Very effective, quiet and orderly.

9. The port shuttles that charge a fee are almost always a rip-off.

10. Bring and wear sandals for the beaches in Croatia—very rocky and painful to walk on barefooted!

11. Relatively few places accepted (or wanted to accept) credit cards. While perhaps half of restaurants took plastic, virtually none of the museum, church or site admissions accepted them. This resulted in me withdrawing and using much more cash than originally planned.

12. Even when a restaurant accepted credit cards, nearly every one of them wanted tips in cash only.

13. As long as you are not a timid or conservative driver, renting a car makes a lot of sense in many ports. The rental process is very quick and easy. Renting a car is much more convenient, gives you a lot of flexibility to go where and when you please, and is more cost effective than hiring a private driver or taxi.

14. In Italy (and perhaps other places in Europe too), you need to buy your train or bus tickets BEFORE you get onboard one.

15. To drink directly from the ancient public water fountains in Roma, stick your finger into the end or bottom of the pipe, and the water will shoot up the small hole in the top surface of the pipe.

16. To board and ride a bus in Santorini, you need to be really aggressive, push your way onboard and squeeze into any available orifice. Then the onboard worker will push and squeeze his way to you somehow to collect the 1.20 Euro fare.

17. When taking pictures of large buildings, objects or scenery that won’t fit in a single camera frame, take multiple shots (making sure to overlap the images) and use photo stiching or merging software to create the final aggregated image when you return home. A great way to get those too-big-to-fit shots and for panoramas!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Best and Worst Bathrooms in the Mediterranean?

Another interesting tidbit was that, in 25 days in the Mediterranean, the nicest bathroom we encountered was on the walls of Dubrovnik, facing the Adriatic! It was near and just past this spot... Never expected that! The worst bathrooms were in Italy.

Bad Luck with Michelangelos

Looking back at everything we saw in Italy, and after doing some post-trip research, I now realize we had some bad luck when it came to seeing Michelangelo’s works. We toured Firenze on a Monday unfortunately, so the major museums were closed. Thus no chance to see the original David in the Accademia. At the Vatican in Roma, it was too crowded to get a good look at the Pieta in the Basilica. I happened on St. Peter's in Vincoli during a siesta when it was closed and thus went my opportunity to see Michelangelo’s Moses. We enjoyed a visit to Santa Maria Sopra Minerva in Roma but didn’t know to look for Michelangelo's “Christ the Redeemer”. On the plus side we enjoyed the Capella Sistina at the Vatican, and did see his tomb in Santa Croce in Firenze.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Roma, Italy - Heading Home!

Heading home today. My neck was hurting over the past week or so, and just these past few days, I noticed my neck, shoulder and back were all aching or hurting. Four weeks of schlepping all our stuff, including clothing, snacks and water, all over the Mediterranean caught up with me. I finally asked Andrea to carry the backpack a little through the airport, and that helped.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Roma, Italy - Trastevere, Piazza Navona (again)

We took Duman’s advice and checked out two neat churches just around the corner from our hotel: Sant'Ignazio di Loyola and Santa Maria sopra Minerva. The former has a couple “optical illusions”—a painted “curved” nave ceiling and a fake dome. The latter is the only Gothic church in Roma and has a Michelangelo sculpture that we forgot to see!
Later went to the Villa Farnesina but it was already closed for the day, so we just walked around Trastevere, crossed the Isola Tiberina and looked at (but didn’t wait in line to touch) the Buca di Verita at Santa Maria Cosmedin. We got ripped off by a pretty lady taxi driver who took us to Piazza della Repubblica instead of Piazza della Rotonda. She claimed she didn’t know where the Pantheon was. Sheesh. On the plus side, we never paid the bus fare to get to Piazza Venetia (need to buy your bus tickets BEFORE boarding) so it was probably all a wash getting back to the hotel.

We finally succumbed to the kids' requests for caricatures so we did it before dinner at the Piazza Navona. Then we had Fettucini Alfredo at the place the supposedly invented it: Alfredo alla Scrofa. It was good and we can say we did it, but at 20 Euros and a small portion, definitely not a good value.
After sampling various gelati places all over Italy, tonight Della Palma in Roma was officially declared the winner by Team Chen. Again, many thanks to Duman for his recommendations!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Roma, Italy - Capuchin Crypts, Villa Borghese, Foro Romano, Pantheon

The day started off well with a fascinating visit to the Capuchin Crypts of Santa Maria Concepzione in Roma. Although Daddy was disappointed that his reservation at the Gallerie Borghese was not honored (I guess the online reservation system isn't reliable!), we all had fun riding the funky electric bikes/carts around Villa Borghese park. Later, we spent a couple hours at the forum with hardly any complaining from the kids! To cap the day, we finally went inside the Pantheon. We'd been staying within a few feet of it for several days now, but finally checked out the inside. Very cool.
Favorite kid moment—Upon entering and seeing the Capuchin Crypts, Adam mutters, with a noticeable nodding action, “Cooooooool!” A close second would be riding the electric bike/carts in Villa Borghese.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Thoughts about our HAL Noordam Mediterranean Cruise

This was our first HAL cruise after several with Royal Caribbean and one each with Carnival and Princess. After spending 20 days onboard, here are my observations about HAL and the Noordam—ship, services and crew:
- Servers clear and clean tables very fast in the Lido so this was superior to RCI and Carnival. We found the behind-the-buffet service to be nice but less efficient overall. IOW, we much prefer RCI’s food stations or islands and helping yourself to what you want in the portions you want.
- Dining room, room stewards and room service were comparable to RCI
- Lido and main dining food quality was very good overall but I personally would call it a draw with RCI. My wife liked HAL better because of the superior seafood, but my parents liked RCI because their beefs was better.
- HAL uniquely offers free freshly squeezed orange juice for breakfast and cappuccino/espresso at dinner
- Excellent and quiet handling of turnaround day for B2B passengers with custom tours, spa service, lunches, etc.
- HAL has virtually no night life and mediocre entertainment. This was okay for a port-intensive Mediterranean cruise but we’re not sure about it for all the sea days of a Caribbean cruise.
- There are far fewer activities and things to do onboard the ship, especially for kids. Specifically, Noordam has no rock climbing, wave pool, water slides or fountains, bowling alley, or ice rink. On the plus side, Noordam has an excellent library/computer center in their Explorations Café.
- Can’t understand why with a near-new ship, HAL doesn’t offer on-demand movies and entertainment (not check-out DVDs from library), or on-line billing, on-line shore excursion booking, and other on-line features directly from your stateroom either via TV or wifi access.
- The three elevator banks midship on the Vista-class are not linked or coordinated so they are not efficiently utilized
- Love the silent disembarkation—much improved over Carnival or RCI’s noisy and stressful debarkation routines

Last Day of Cruise: Civitavecchia, Italy

Debarkation was quiet, smooth and stress-free. We bid farewell to Noordam and her fine crew. We shared a Romeinlimo transfer with the Fosters into Roma. After having our hotel hold their luggage, we walked them to the Tiber and bid them farewell as they headed off to their Vatican tour and we headed south to stroll.

After lunch, we spent the afternoon checking out the Colisseum. We wasted some time looking for lunch and dinner places because a few of the recommend restaurants were closed. Not sure if they were just closed for lunch and/or dinner, or if they were closed for the rest of the summer.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Messina/Taormina, Sicily & Stromboli

We spent the morning visiting lovely Taormina, with a long visit to the Greco-Roman theatre. It was neat to see Mount Etna as a backdrop to this ancient theatre. The kids remained onboard in ClubHAL. On the return back to the ship, we caught part of the clock bell tower show in Messina—I was unimpressed. Later that afternoon, as we sailed north out of Messina, we got to see the smoldering volcano: Stromboli!

And just before dinner, we had a nice gathering of most of our CruiseCritic friends in the Crow's Nest. We dranks some champagne and took lots of pictures! Some of us had spent 19 days together on the ship and we really bonded.

Favorite kid moment—Not sure because they were in ClubHAL all day and claimed they didn’t do anything. Maybe they enjoyed Stromboli?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Sea Day

The kids’ confidence has been growing during this trip. Both Cara and Adam order their custom waffles at breakfast in the Lido, their dinners in the evenings, ask stewards for things, checkout DVDs and games from the librarian, etc.—all by themselves.

Adam’s swimming also progressed very nicely during the cruise. Today he did more forward floating and kicking and started to float backward. Carol Foster helped him a lot. Kids always seem to be more receptive to teaching from anybody who is not their parent.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Piraeus/Athens, Greece

I had originally planned another “daddy death-march walking day” for Athens, but after our experience in Barcelona, we agreed that it would be best to spend the money for a guided van/bus tour. So we hooked on with Maria’s group the night before. Maria welcomed us but I ended up having to do all the collecting, reconciling and paying of the tour driver monies. I still can’t believe the owner, driver and guide got 1,000 Euros for this full-day tour!

The morning started off a little rough for Cara—she threw up right after disembarking the tour bus at the foot of the Acropolis. Fortunately, she immediately felt better and hung in with the group just fine after that. The itinerary spent a lot of time at the Acropolis and the new Acropolis museum, we had lunch in Monastiraki, and got a city tour that included seeing the changing of the guards at Syntagma, Temple of Zeus
and the 1896 Olympic stadium. The only downside was that we didn’t spend any time in the Plaka. I’m glad we got in and out of the Acropolis by 11 am because there were massive crowds trying to get in just before 11 am! Someone later said those crowds waited an hour to enter.

After seeing his dad order chicken souvlaki in Corfu, Adam got it in both Oia and Athens. He ordered seafood pastas in Sorrento and Dubrovnik. Cara seems to have enjoyed her “greek” spaghettis in both places. They’re both definitely more adventurous with food than before!

As for my cold, today was the first day I think I can say I’m close to 100% again. While my cough still lingers, I definitely feel much better.

Favorite kid moment—Climbing the steps and stones around the Acropolis and goofing in the Acropolis museum. They also enjoyed the 5Euro orange slushy after the Acropolis tour.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Kusadasi/Ephesus, Turkey


Had a full and interesting day in Ephesus with our guide, Yelda. Terrace Houses are amazing. I’m very disappointed for all the people on the ship tours who never get to see them. Didn’t have any energy left on the return to Kusadasi to shop or hit the beach—maybe next time.

Favorite kid moment—Running and sliding on the glass floors at the Terrace Houses, and on the slippery marble steps all around Ephesus.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Santorini, Greece

Our day in Santorini started out with an exciting ride up the cliffs on the backs of donkeys. I’m very proud of Andrea for doing it despite every fiber of her being telling her that it was a bad and unsafe idea. It was slow, uncomfortable and a little dangerous (what with the being on the side of a cliff, concrete/rock pavement, and on-coming donkey traffic!) but you only live once, right?

The views from Fira and Oia were stunning and it was fun to walk the narrow passageways and steps in and around both towns. On the downside, we waited an hour for a taxi to take us from Fira to Oia, but fortunately we were in port for a full day, and weren’t in any hurry. We were also really squished in the bus on the return to Fira.
In Oia, we enjoyed our lunch at Lotza’s. The view was fantastic (what restaurant in Santorini doesn’t have a view?). We noticed a change about Cara during this trip: she now eats spaghetti with lots of sauce and no longer complains about not wanting too much sauce. In Rome, Corfu and now Oia (and probably other places I’ve forgotten), she’s ordered something off the menu and happily enjoyed her meal!

On our return to the ship, we decided not to rush our showers and be very late for the main dining room so opted for the Lido. Unfortunately, we later discovered that the Lido was closed for dinner on this one evening because HAL was doing a Santorini sailaway outdoor deck BBQ this evening. Had we known (or should I say, paid attention to the Daily Planner), we would have gone to the main dining room. For me, the BBQ chicken, ribs and accompaniments sufficed, but poor Andrea really had a hard time finding something good to eat and she regretted missing the main dining room this night!

Favorite kid moment—The donkey ride up the caldera and searching for donkey-related souvenirs

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Katakolo/Olympia, Greece

We planned to take the train to Olympia from Katakolo, but during breakfast, Linda from my Cruisecritic group mentioned how easy and inexpensive it was to rent a car in Katakolo. Sure enough, the car rental process was as fast (and perhaps even faster) than in Corfu!

Driving to Olympia didn’t involve anything like Corfu’s hairpin turns and crazy side roads so we never got lost. Didn’t appreciate however the stupid woman at the gas station who “accidentally” put in 5 Euros too much gasoline into the rental car. She’s probably the car rental company owner’s sister. After returning the car, we did a lot of shopping, including buying some cool Greek glass plates and other stuff.

We had a surprisingly good day in Olympia—better than I had expected. While the ruins were nothing special, the site was pretty with lots of trees and some shade. The museum was interesting and the museum worker ladies all wore super tight pants!
Anyhow, I’m glad we didn’t take this day off!

Favorite kid moment—Running a 200 yard dash on the original Olympic stadium! And the funny-sounding Pelopian fascinated them to no end…

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Corfu, Greece


We were late meeting the rental car rep in Corfu, but fortunately there were still plenty of cars available with another company right at the dock. We were off and on our way within minutes. Unfortunately, the Garmin Nuvi didn’t have any local maps so we got lost trying to find Kononi. I gave up and headed straight for Achillion Palace instead. Afterwards, we drove across the island to Palekas for lunch. Palekas sits atop the mountains with a nice view of the ocean. After lunch, we drove down to Palekas Beach for an afternoon at the beach. The water was cold but the kids had fun! We tried to buy water from these two Greek guys just off the beach but they were both asleep and wouldn’t wake up. So I took the water and only paid them when we were leaving!

One thing I’ve noticed is that, if you wake Cara up in the morning before she is ready to wake up, she is very groggy and grouchy for at least a few hours during the rest of the morning. Mom thinks it’s because she is tired, but that doesn’t explain why she is usually fine after noon. I think it’s because if her sleep is disrupted, it just takes her a few hours to regroup.

Favorite kid moment—Fun at Palekas Beach including the sleeping vendors

Friday, July 10, 2009

Dubrovnik, Croatia


I was especially looking forward to Dubrovnik for a long time as it was one of my mandatory stops when I was researching cruise itineraries. There’s something very intriguing about a medieval walled city that is nestled into the cliffs of the Dalmation coast. While it’s no longer a well-kept secret, the crowds were not too bad. Surprisingly, and despite the long day that would’ve permitted us to sleep in and start touring late, Andrea wanted to get up and start early! This worked out really well as the walls were not that crowded. I thought it would take at least a couple of hours to walk the walls but we did it in about half that time! Everything did seem to get busier and more crowded by late morning both in town and at the beach. We also found a jewel of a clean bathroom right on the walls—and the lady attendant there was insulted when we tried to pay or tip her! What a pleasant surprise!


There were only two non-Euro countries during our trip: Tunisia, Croatia and Turkey. Only in Croatia however, did the lack of having local currency become a small issue. While the taxi, the wall admission and most restaurants and shops accepted Euros, a few places only accepted Kunas. So this was the only country during our trip where I had to get non-Euro, local currency out of the ATM—albeit it was just 300 Kuna or about US$58.

We had lunch with Margo’s family at Teatar and later wandered the Placa for ice cream and souvenirs. Then we headed for Banje Beach. I wish we had brought our sandals because it was very painful to walk on the rocky beach with bare feet. It didn’t seem to slow down the kids though.
All in all it was a great day! The only downside to the day was that I got a cold—or it’s my allergies cropping up.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Roma on Turnaround Day


For our Civitavecchia turnaround day, I convinced Andrea that it would be best for me to go into Roma on my own and see some “boring” churches. They planned to sleep in, relax, and go to the pool while I was in Roma.

It turned out to be a pretty good few hours in Roma as I got some different views of the Colisseum and got to visit both San Clemente basilica and San Giovanni in Laterano—two very worthwhile places that are a bit off the standard tour routes. I only realize in hindsight that, in San Giovanni, that I entered the Basilica from a side entrance. No wonder the famous façade looked so dull for such an important church and why I couldn’t find the holy steps that were “across the street”. I also missed San Pietro in Vincoli, the chains and Michelangelo's Moses, because it just closed for siesta when I got there. Santa Maria Maggiore was a pretty good final spot for me to relax before catching the train at Termini back to Civitavecchia.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Napoli, Italy

We had another super (or over) ambitious day planned: Pompeii, Sorrento and Positano. I almost flipped out when Andrea suggested we skip the Amalfi coast so we could return to the ship earlier than scheduled. We hadn’t even started our full-day tour out of Naples. I gently reminded her that many people consider this THE highlight of their Mediterranean trip. As a compromise, we agreed to cut short our visit to Positano for a visit to a Sorrento-area farm to buy olive oil and limoncello, and to check out the animals. In hindsight, I still think we would’ve enjoyed more time in Positano, but at least we experienced the Amalfi coast—hope Andrea enjoyed it.

Rafaele of Romeinlimo was there waiting for us at the dock in Naples. We got out early to Pompeii, were the first group to enter, and so we had the entire place virtually to ourselves at first. Notice that there are no people in this picture! We enjoyed two great hours with our guide Lucia.

We arrived in Sorrento with just a few minutes to walk and shop near the main square (Piazza Tasso) before heading down to the waterfront area for lunch at Ristorante Delfino.
After lunch, we drove the Amalfi coast and spent just a few minutes in Positano.

After the visit to the Sorrento-area farm, we were headed back for the ship. Everyone was asleep by the time we arrived.
Favorite kid moment—Pompeii and Sorrento (although they won’t say why)

Monday, July 6, 2009

Palermo, Sicily


We had a private tour with a small group of 16 in Palermo. We started with a drive up to Monreale and toured its beautiful cathedral. We also enjoyed the views of Palermo below. We were all intrigued by the bodies and the interesting stories in the Capuccin Crypts. At the Zisa Castle, the kids were quickly bored in the Castle but had loads of fun afterwards climbing and running around on the water fountains in front. After lunch, we made a stop at Mount Pelegrino (sp?) for the best vista point of the Palermo area and then toured some of Palermo's other churches and buildings before heading back to the ship exhausted.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

La Goulette, Tunisia

For our visit to the North African country of Tunisia, we decided to leave the kids aboard the ship with their grandparents while we did a full day tour of Ancient Carthage, Sidi Bou Said, Bardo Museum and the Tunis Medina Souk. I figured the kids needed a break from touring and they could spend some quality time with Yeh Yeh and Nai Nai. This turned out to be a great idea as it was probably 110 degrees most of the day, and most of what we saw would’ve bored them to tears.

Ancient Carthage was fascinating but you really have to enjoy ruins because it was hot and there was very little shade. And our guide noted that we were pretty lucky because it had been really hot the last few days! Sidi Bou Said was like the poor man’s Santorini. Great views and some bargains to be had from the vendors. The vendors were not nearly as aggressive or annoying as others had reported. The Bardo Museum was a highlight—the collection of Roman mosaics is extensive and their intricacy and detail is unbelievable.

A couple times during our tour, I felt that Tunisians were making up charges as they go. First, there was the practice of charging a Euro for each camera taking pictures to be a bit odd. I think this happened in Ancient Carthage and the Bardo Museum. Later, at the lunch restaurant, our guide walked with the restaurant owner or head waiter around to each couple to seek compensation. For each couple or family, they gestured a few times, said something in French, and seemed to just make up an amount. It was never consistent with what was ordered. Just seemed like they were winging it and hoping to make a Euro or two here or there.

We ended the tour in the Medina Souks which was pretty much a waste of time because 90% of the shops are closed on Sundays. You’d think the tour company would know this and spare us this part of the trip.

Favorite kid moment—The camel ride on the pier next to the ship. And on a “you have to shake your head in disbelief” note, my dad bought Adam a huge stuffed camel. What was he thinking? How did he think we were going to get this stupid thing home?